“Having emotional independence means we are no longer tied to the need for constant approval and are, therefore, not coerced into doing more than we feel comfortable doing by our need to please others.” – Sue Thoele

Everybody talks about how being financially independent is so important today. No doubt, it is. But are we emotionally independent as well? Some say it’s the situation, some say it’s people’s behaviour which forces us to get emotionally dependent or rather emotionally disturbed. Is it even important to have emotional independence or are we going to tell ourselves the same thing again, “the world runs like this”. We act according to what happens outside, or according to how other people treat us. Simply put, we are just copying each other. What will be our original, genuine response to situations/people? That is who we actually are. But unfortunately, to win a worthless battle of ego, we are letting go of our qualities. Our originality, our uniqueness is gradually fading.
Being emotionally independent doesn’t mean to stop feeling, but to feel unconditionally. It means that nothing outside controls your feelings. For example, let’s talk about love. Such a beautiful feeling, isn’t it? But most of you will agree if I say that it brings a lot of pain with it. Love seems wonderful till the time we realize that we may not get it back. We don’t like it and then we say love brings pain. Oh, because we love blaming! Conditions laid by us bring pain, not love. Most people want to escape from their own lives by depending on someone else for happiness, in the name of love. Won’t it be better if people love you because you’re a happy person no matter what happens, instead of loving you because you’re dependent for happiness on them? Love is sharing each other’s joys, sorrows and everything, so that we lift each other and become a stronger person, not to become slaves for our happiness. We should be happy with others, as well as without others. It’s a personal decision to be happy. Not a consequence of anything.
On a spiritual level, emotional independence is the state of calm. If you master how to remain calm in any circumstance, you master everything. It’s all in the mind.
Emotional independence has many dimensions. But the jist of the term is the same, be who you want to be, feel what you want to feel, act how you want to act, depending only upon your principles, values and qualities, and not on situations and people’s behaviour.
My aim of writing this article is to awaken the true self. Just like we don’t prefer depending on someone for financial needs, we must not be relying for emotional needs too. And for that we need to know that it is possible if we want. Take the decision, for it will make your relationships blossom and give you never ending joy.

SHIKHA VANJANI 

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